Going Home
by Oniko
Summary: HGSS. Hermione takes Severus home to meet the parents. Amusing fluff.


            Going Home

By Oniko, everything is owned, of course, by JK Rowling         

"Hermione, are you sure about this?"  Severus asked, tugging nervously at his cuff links for the fifth time in so many minutes.

            "You look fine, love."  She said, rising up on her tiptoes for a quick kiss.  "They'll just think you're a bit…eccentric.  No more so then anyone else in my family."

            "Is that supposed to re-assure me?"

            "No." She said bluntly.  "That's supposed to re-assure _me._"

            "Ah, did it work then?"

            "Not really."

            "You want to back out?  We could do this another time."

            "God, no.  I'd never hear the end of it." She took a deep breath.  "Okay, we can do this. You have the floo powder?  Okay, Granger's Dentist Office."

            They stepped through together and out into the small reception area.  Severus looked around curiously as he help brush the soot off of Hermione's clothing.  The dimly lit room was decorated in muted colors, mostly shades of gray. Flashy magazines and brightly colored toys were strewn about the tables.  Most of the light came from upstairs were they could hear voices and people laughing.

            "I thought we were just going to meet your parents?"

            "So did I." Hermione said, frowning.  "Apparently, they have other plans."

            "I see." They waited a moment in silence as Hermione considered the options.

            "Lets go, we can deal with this another time." She said, and turned back towards the fireplace.

            "Oh, there you are, I though I heard something downstairs."  A voice from the stairs halted them.

            "Hi, Mum." Hermione said turning around with a fixed smile on her face.

            Mrs. Granger padded down the carpeted stairs in stocking feet.  She was an older version of Hermione with salt-and-pepper hair, smile lines around her eyes, and bossy undertones in her voice.  When she reached the floor she stepped forward with her hand outstretched.  "You must be Severus.  We've heard so much about you, it is so nice to _finally_ meet you."

            Severus shot Hermione a questioning look, but she was staring in fascination at the prints on the wall.  He bowed deeply and placed a light kiss on the back of her hand.  "The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Granger."

            Upon straitening he found Mrs. Granger staring at him with a curious expression and a slight flush in her cheeks, moments later it cleared as if she figured something out, she shook herself lightly and smiled brightly.  "Well, let's go upstairs and meet everybody."

            As they followed he shot Hermione another questioning glance, she only shrugged. "Say, Mum, why did you invite everyone over?  I told you I didn't want to spring everyone on Severus right away."

            Mrs. Granger paused briefly on the stairs.  "I am sorry dear.  But everyone promised to be on their best behavior.  Tina hasn't set fire to any thing yet and she's been here for hours."

            "Mum!"  Hermione sounded scandalized.  

            "Well, it's true." She sniffed.

            "I know…but…" He smirked slightly as he watched Hermione struggle for words, a state she doesn't encounter nearly often enough in his opinion.

            "Here they are!" Mrs. Granger sang out at the top of the stairs, they were met with a wordless roar of noise as the people in the room turned to look at them, rather turned to look at him.  To say that Severus felt uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny would be vastly understated.  He was reminded of a class filled with unruly children waiting for a moment of weakness to strike. "Now, now, let them get settled in.  Jenny, Max, up you get.  Why don't you two sit down here, then?"

            Mrs. Granger patted the recently vacated two-seater sofa.  They obligingly sat down.  Severus entwined his fingers with Hermione's and stared stone-faced out at the rest of the room.  The room itself would have been a nice enough sitting room decorated in rich jewel like tones, peacock blue and amethyst purple and amber.  But was overwhelmed by the crush of people in the room.  Silence had fallen over the room for the first time as everyone watched him expectantly.  Hermione shifted uncomfortably and coughed.  

"Well, everyone, this is my fiancé, Severus Snape."  She stammered through the introduction and fell silent as if uncertain as to how to continue with introducing so many people to him.  The room shifted with soft murmurs but still no one took their eyes off the new couple.  It was almost a relief when one girl raised her hand like she was in class and everyone's eyes turned to her. It was Jenny, who moved from the couch, he recognized her mainly because her wild curls were dyed electric blue and hung in heavy dreadlocks down her back.  When she was sure she had everyone's undivided attention she dropped her hand and leaned forward.

"So, you're the...um… the che- no" she checked a small battered black notebook. "potions professor at Hogwarts then?" 

He could almost feel the air rushing through the room as everyone collectively sucked in their breath and turned to look at him, waiting for an answer.  The anticipation was almost palpable, this was the point of the evening he had most dread knowing that Muggle's didn't look favorably on a relationship of such different ages, most especially between teacher and student.  He nodded his head sharply and spoke sternly, almost challenging anyone to naysay their relationship.  "Yes. That is correct."

He could count the pause in heartbeats.  

"I knew it!" Jenny leapt to her feet, and the room let out their breaths in a collective groan.  "Pay up people."

Hermione's face went red, then white and passed through a couple other colors as she cycled through several different emotions.  Finally she settled on angry, he could feel her radiating energy as she watched the other girl circle round the room collecting money.  

"I cannot believe you people."  Hermione said in righteous indignation.  "Placing bets on my…Mother?!"

"I'm sorry, dear-heart.  But Ronseemed like such a _nice _boy."  She said fishing out some folded bills from a small handbag.  Her father, who Severus assumed to be her father due primarily to his overly friendly overtures to her mother, was digging around in a leather wallet as well.

"I thought that Harry seemed likely, oh well." He said absently.

"Ron? Mother? _Ron_?"  Hermione choked.  "How could you _think _that Ron and I… That I could…Severus, help me here."

"Okay, 'Mione that'll be a twenty from you."  Jenny said coming to stand directly in front of them.  Hermione froze.

"Excuse me?"

"I have you down for twenty that you'll be a spinster for the rest of your life." She clarified reading from her battered black book.  Hermione snatched it from Jenny's hands.

"Let me see that!"  Severus looked over her shoulder at the book.  The page was divided into columns two listing names and one listing numbers.  The first row read Hermione – Never – 20 and the second read Genevieve – Chemistry  Potions Professor, Severus Snape – 20.  Hermione just stared at the page slowly shaking her head but after a few moments her eyes widened.  "You can't hold me to that!"

"A bet is a bet is a bet." Jenny said.  "I can and I will, now pay up."

"You can _not_ hold me to that!" Hermione repeated forcefully.  "I was twelve, what the hell did I know when I was twelve?"

"I remember when you were twelve, what _didn't_ you know?"  Severus smirked at her.  By the look in her eyes he was going to pay for that one later.

"Severus, love, _stop_ helping." She gritted out through clenched teeth.  Jenny laughed out loud and clapped him on the arm.

 "Hey, you're all right." She declared.

"I'm so glad I meet with your approval." He said coolly and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying anything more, he had promised Hermione he would hold back on the scathing remarks so as not to alienate her family.  Jenny grinned at him even more widely before turning back to Hermione and demanding her money.  While the two girls argued he glanced casually around the room, most of the people were no longer so intently focused.  At least no longer so intently focused on him.  One rather slovenly looking fellow was intently focused on a bottle of liquor and others were involved in lively discussions, apparently picking up where he and Hermione had interrupted them.  He turned back to the two girls.  "So, Jenny is it?  How did you know to bet on me?"

Jenny grinned at him.  "I used to come and spend summers up here with Hermione's family…"

"…on account that she drove her own insane." Hermione cut in.

"Yeah, anyways.  We were like _this _close." She held up her crossed fingers. "And were always getting into trouble together."

"We were not.  _You_ got into trouble and framed me.  Like that time that you blew up the house with _my_ chemistry set."

"Hey, is it my fault that you're gullible.  And anyways you blew up the house just fine _without _the chemistry set."  Jenny turned back to him.  "_Anyways_ we would talk, about everything.  I had just spent the summer listening to her bitch and moan…about you.  Now, last time I hated someone _that_ much I wound up sleeping with them."  She shrugged.  "Hey, I was sixteen, it passed for logic at the time."

"So, Hermione, dear-heart, when are you going to be giving us grandchildren?" Mrs. Granger asked loudly.  Severus could feel Hermione freeze up, she had relaxed against him while arguing with Jenny.  It was almost comfortable, leaning against her warmth and listening to the play of words.

"Mum…we…haven't really discussed children."  She evaded clumsily.

"Well, really, you should."  Mrs. Granger said, sounding for all the world like Hermione at her bossiest.  "It's never too early to think about kids.  I really look forward to having littles around to spoil…"

"Umm…Well, I don't…"  Hermione turned to him with a slightly panicked expression on her face.

"For a number of reasons we don't feel we'd make ideal parents. So we have no plans for a family." Severus injected smoothly, circling one arm around Hermione in silent support.  He could see Mrs. Granger's lips turn downwards and she affected an almost icy demeanor.  "And we will most certainly not do so merely for the sake of societal, or any other, expectations.  Children should be more important then that. I fear I too often see the results of such mistakes on the part of the inept parents seated in my classes to go into parenthood lightly."

There was a brief silence as Mrs. Granger absorbed his words and Jenny held up her hand again.  "I'm taking bids, tenner for a three month slot."

"Put me down for next fall."  Mrs. Granger said pulling her handbag into her lap.

Hermione buried her face in her hands.  "I hate you guys.  This is exactly why I never bring people home."

fin

AN:  I have no idea where this came from, but it amused me greatly so I'd thought I'd share.  So please write a review and tell me what you think.


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